Superbowl Arrives Early - Janet finally exonerated by Surprise Halftime Sex by Akon and Tara Reid

100% of Sundance does not know or care that the State of the Union Address is tonight (Tuesday 1.23). To the 5 or 10 viewers watching, it’s a big deal because the entire federal government comes together for one time in the year – Congress, Supreme Court, the Cabinet, the worst Texan ever, and my mom.

For Sundance, the more germane state, was the union of every branch of the U.S. party scene in one (relatively) small palace last night - TAO/Marquee/Harry O’s for the Blender party and show by Nelly and Akon, and I somehow ended up with walkie/clipboard as quasi Marquee/Tao staff for the night pulling in talent from icy outside with Team Fusion. Bring the chamber to order!

Nightlife Senators:

• Jason Strauss
• Noah Tepperberg
• Billy Dec (Rockit Ranch Chicago/Florida, Jen Scheft Bachlerette ‘05) - revealed to TheCHIMP.net exclusively that yes, they will be doing a satellite club somewhere in Miami during superbowl
  
• Andrew Goldberg (Marquee)
• Sean Gallagher (NYC various)
• Sasha (Bolthouse/Strategic)

Photography Governors:

• Seth Browarnik (‘Miami)
• Tracy Lee (‘Napkin Nights /Vegas)
• Jamie McCarthy (‘NYC)
• Dimitri Kambouris (‘LA)

House of Representatives:

• Rappa Dappa (Spinshoppe)
• Rembrandt Flores, Jackie Topacio, and Ben Russo (Fusion)
• Amy Tsvi (Bragman)
• Stacey Wechsler (Hired Gun)
• and at least 1700 lbs more of "publicist" lurking around...

Staffers / Wranglers:

• A-List, Alliance, Strategic Group, Maxim, Blender

And every governing body has the old-timer drunk, played here Tara Reid (married to Caron Daly with twins Carter and Peyton, living in White Plains) , who unraveled months of image rehab in one Akon humping, butt crack exposing, win-the-wet-t-shirt contest-over-that-bitch-from-Purdue in Cancun moment. Must see exclusive over at Hollyscoop.

Kinda like the Superbowl...which incidentally was just given the same security rating by the FBI as the State of the Union. Speaking of Superbowl, surprise halftime performer Nelly (’04, forgotten amidst the Janet boob shock ‘life) performed after AKON, and arrived with the now well documented football team entourage surrounding the QB.

Benched: Every year at the speech, one cabinet member has to stay out at a secure underground remote location in case Osama shows up at the velvet rope and his name isnt on the list. The idea is to provide a line of secession for the presidency and continuation of government, so we dont end up as a country the way the line outside of Mansion ends up at 2 AM.

Vote '07: Who in your opinion was the “one” nightlife superstar sitting it out to preserve the line of secession? Capponi? Nazarian? Criminal Mike? Cast your vote!

Are you Seceding from TheCHIMP.net? We hope only to find more professional Sundance coverage at Imeem's growing colony of writers. Immigrate here.