Giftbag Recon: InTouch Weekly Post-VMA Party

 By Monday, we mean at any point this week. Why does this heavy giftbag from the InTouch Weekly post-VMA party have a rule that every product must be loaded with sexual overtones of a one night stand?

Vaguely Left to Right. One night stand clues in green.

"Bed Head" Products everywhere. Besides the overall connotations of "bed...er... head", love the appropriately moniker'ed "After Party" pink stick-a-majig as the first item in this after party gift bag. Also, a bottle of red "hook up mousse". I always need "hook up mousse" on Sunday nights.

A folding recipe book of Flor-De-Cana rum cocktail recipes. Get 'em drunk, see what happens!

Kanye West's first novel - a novelty book with garishly displayed trite life advice on each page. Page Pictured: "Life is not what happens, it's 95% How your React". Like, how you react to taking photos??

Also in Kanye's "book", it says "Be leery of the free gift bag." We couldnt make this up.

Bed Head "Pet Head", a favorite of my Penthouse "Pet" Girlfirends.

David Beckham's Norwegian Sex Vitamins, called "Go3"

A big wooden brown dong/drink muddler to help "get'em drunk"

CD from live performers The Veronicas called "Hook It Up"

A sex toy style box with a porno blonde on the cover - that holds a (I'm told) totally expensive and awesome bed head hair straightener.

Birth Control Pamphlet for something called "Yaz". I always thought this Yaz was mood killer birth control enough.

What do fat burger eating teens need more than exercise? A lighter to smoke with.  This Burger King lighter says "Light up your night". Like the Billy Jean video?

"Smooth Sensation" from Nivea.

"Silky Smooth" Dark Chocolate from Dove.

Clarins Paris Gel Countour des Yeux  - "to remove puffiness and dark circles (after a one night stand)"

Magenta business card asking you to send an email to someone for a discount on something

Bed Head Born to Rock clean Wife Beater - throw it at your hook up in the monring as clean clothes

"Post Partum" headline screaming from the cover of the Magazine.