Dream Come True

If you aren't registered to vote yet....then you might be a redneck. Go here.

A Group Eulogy to GOA Nightclub RIP 2008-2008

Hollywood mega hotspot of (early) 2008 GOA had the lifespan of most hardware store goldfish.

Michael Sutton (General Hospital '95) finally gave up on trying to convince the police and alcohol beverage comission that this was actually a restaurant. 

Opened: February-Out of Style: April - In a Coffin: August 2008.

In honor, I compiled a group eulogy culled from yelp and others: Like High School cool kids, "popular" means "everybody hates ".

"It's everything you can hate about a Hollywood club, and then some." 

"The bouncers are as charming as surprise pregnancies: "People, MOOOVE out of the walkway! Come on now, It's not rocket science!" Trippy McPower Tripper, don't even make me point out the irony inherent in a bouncer expertly opining on spacecraft engineering."

"The sushi was warm and smelled like an anchovies vagina." 

"A ceaseless parade of idiots." 

 "It's cheesier than a Frenchman's penis and rife with all of the iconography that IS douchebaggery.  Cologne, hair product, True Religion jeans, Ed Hardy T shirts,  breast augmentations done at a Tijuana drive through covered by 80% off Forever XXI sale dresses."

"Bring out the wine, because here's the cheese:  GOA = NO-a."   



"At midnight the POLICE came into the club and the DJ started to play elevator music... REALLY BAD. I asked a waitress and she said when the police come in the club turns into something different."

Goa-ing, Goaing...Gone. - EaterLA

How could this not survive? You're on the clock, Stork.

Declare Yourself: Register to Vote at a $25m Mansion in Bev Hills

Not sure whose energy policy Christina Milian (Jersey City, NJ '81, Grammy Nominee '05) supports - She arrived with her sister in a gigundo black Range Rover. (not in the picture)

Republican Alert: Chuy told TheCHIMP.net he is voting Republican. Ahh, so he is that ONE in Hollywood.

E! Corporate Reunion! Ryan Basford (Chelsea Handler Show 'current), Chuy Bravo (Chelsea Handler Sidekick 'current) and Ollie Girl Holly Huddleston (Sunset Tan 'current) shared a bed with Jeff Bozz, Nick, and Anya (Sunset Tan).

Only in the famous "bird streets" of Beverly Hills can you register to vote with a view from the beach to the Hollywood Sign. Meet Sunset Tan owner Jeff Bozz - newly registered Democrat.

Publicist to the stars, Ben Russo (Cedar Rapids H.S. - Iowa) gifts us backhandedly with high end korean and eco friendly cosmetic products to improve our face...from The Face Shop.

Tomorrow's today's superstar Justin Martin (High School Musical 3, The Soloist w/Robert Downey Jr., Black Water Transit, The Express w/Dennis Quaid) sports the most important accessory of the afternoon - sunglasses. He scored new Diesels from Solstice. I scored $18 CVS plastics on the way. Justin poses with the Mom-ager.

High fives to JB & RM and Mega Marketing Media on a fresh Saturday afternoon with purpose.

Declare Yourself: Saturday Summer Oasis

On what's shaping up to be an unusually politic-ish week's end....a LA poolside soiree with vaguely political overtones today: Declare Yourself

Sidenote: Joe Biden shares a hometown with Jim, Pam, and Michael Scott.

Kicks to JB & Mega Marketing Media for looking after our votes.

The Smartest Male Models Ever

Formerly known as "Party-Philosophers", "Intellectual Hedonists", "Gore's Boys", and "those 2 guys who I always see at parties", Max and Jason now triumphantly add  "Male Supermodels" to their list of aliases. If it was the 90s, they would be #1 draft picks for the "The Real World".

Click to view full size

 Congrats to Current TV's #1 Producer/Host Team Max Lugavere (NYC Lab School '00, U Miami '05) and Jason Silva (Escuela Campo Alegre - Venezuela '00, U Miami '05) on their new role in worldwide Fall 2008 Gap Ads. They join Liv Tyler and an impressive list of celebrity alumni.

Current TV is the network that Al Gore (St. Alban's 65, Harvard '69) created. The fastest growing network in history, it broadcasts from the intersection of Google+Youtube+ a small liberal arts college with a ridiculously nerd-free AV department.

As you  someone thumbs through Vogue, Vanity Fair, and other thick and glossy $6 magazines worldwide, expect to find the most outstanding heterosexual male-male marriage^TM in West Hollywood selling you preppy staples and bland denim. 

When you wake up next weekend with a hangover, swallow some Current braincandy over here.

Back to Cool with Daftbird

Back to School doesn't suck when there is a party at Lisa Kline Men on Robertson Blvd, you can try on dope scarves (Daftbird, scarf not out till Nov 30) and you get a lunch box souvenior....with LUNCH inside.*

*Chipotle gift certificates for 2 of everything on the menu qualify as "cool kid lunch"

High fives to Bollare for looking after TheCHIMP.net personnel.

With scarf sister Alena Herwehe (Harris Shepard Public Relations 'current)

Special Delivery from DJ AM: The Stork

"Mommy, where do babies nightclubs come from?"
"DJ AM puts a Stork in his mouth and flies them in to the Kodak Theatre's doorstep."

In the exponentially short timeline of Hollywood hotspots, just yesterday, Crown Bar was the whitehotspot.

Tonight DJ AM (Spielberg Daughter Bat Mitzvah DJ '98) and partner Loyal Pennings who founded hotspot LAX (Holllywood '05, Vegas '07) open The Stork. Going totally out of the box, they're throwing a big celebrity bash. Pennings' most recent prior invention is a frighteningly effective privacy invasion gadget effective security gizmo .

Large outdoor patio? Wrought iron over the brick privacy wall? (top left) Hmm, reminds us of a certain french themed exterier hotspot that with its huge garden defies all equations of the nightlife deathspiral (Les Deux, bottom left).

TMZ should have the rejections by coffee time tomorrow.

Head to Head: You vs. Olympic Champion Natalie Coughlin

OLYMPIC SPOILER ALERT:


Warning you...this is a spoiler.
****
A chrystal ball time machine Delorean from the future just told me that USA swimmer Natalie Coughlin (Berkeley '05, Backstroke World Record Holder '08) will shame puny foreigners tonight on NBC. (Mon 11 August)

Safe to say that the only thing we share in common is our trainer Grace Lazenby (University of South Carolina, Equinox West Hollywood 'current). Grace founded ITrain, that saves you $120/hour by downloading a top professional trainer's full workout, set to music, via MP3/Itunes. Coughlin created her own Olympic-ass whooping workouts as programs that you can download, listen to, and fight off a heart attack while attempting to keep pace with in real time.

Coughlin told a CHIMP.net operative "I want to share my knowledge of training on a platform (pun)that everyone can use."

On medal eve, Lazenby (right, with Cheryl Hines left) told TheCHIMP.net "The unique thing about Natalie is that 50% of hertraining is out of the water."

Even after brushing up against Grace for a few years, it is agreed a 2.5 hour head start would be an appropriate head start in head to head client competition.

Inspired to Olympic Greatness? Dive in to ITrain over here.

President Bush Enjoys the Last Few Months of Authority

Live on Scene:Madden 2009 Launch Party

All photos actually taken by TheCHIMP.netVerne Troyer (Centreville H.S. - MI '86, Mini Me '97, '99, '03) uses full size controllers.

Even the most successful video game franchise of all time can't keep up with late breaking news. The game's cover hero Brett Farve now sports the WRONG jersey.Nonetheless, this party remains a highlight of every summer and the blowout at sister hotspots STK and CoCo DeVille brought out a pro-bowl of famous fans last night. (Thurs 7 Aug)

Televised Bi-Sexual Tila Tequila arrived with a girl but danced with a boy. Appropriate.

Actual Exchange overheard with Zach Levi: "Hey Zach, what's up with (showing up in) your flip flops and shorts?"
Zach: "I just came from work (NBC's Chuck). Gimme a Break"

The game is 20 years old. This Reebok sneaker is not.

Sal Masakela (Carlsbad H.S. - CA '89, E!'s Daily 10 'current) graciously hosted both Kevin Federline and jilted mother of his children Shar Jackson at his table. These two might have 2 kids togehter, but they avoided each other from 3 feet away. So awkward that even Masakela (above) grimaces in agony. US Weekly watched at my side with rapt attention.

As Football Returns...Pt.I

The hangover from last year lingers..

Hitting the bottle is always an option, so it was great to work with LOTUS Vodka amongst a crowd of liquors and cool products at ESPN's Style Studio awards...until a trio of still gloating Giants showed up: Eli Manning (Ole Miss '04, Boston Championship Sweep Killler '08), David Tyree (Superbowl Helmet Catch '08) and Plaxico Buress (Whatever).

FoTCN Michelle Marie and her posse from Young Hollywood made it a lot more fun.

Summer Reading List: Susie Castillo Published

FoTCN & Fellow Mass-Hole Susie Castillo (Methuen H.S. - MA '97, Miss USA '03, Face of Neutrogena 'current) has published her first book.Breaking new ground as the first MTV VJ to know how to write, "Confidence is Queen: The Four Keys to Ultimate Beauty Through Positive Thinking" can be yours for $5.74 per "key" at Amazon.

In addition to being a part time Rockband-mate, we had the good sense to spare Susie's career a placement on Miss USA Fear Factor when we first met back in 2003.

Add it to your summer reading list, students.

Tipsters: Inside Barack Obama's 47th Birthday

Today: A rare east coast party report...must be politics

Exclusive photos and items sent in by two special tipsters inside Barack Obama's birthday party in Boston last night. (Mon 4 Aug). Candy (Dana Hall '65, Mt. Vernon '69) and Stanley Glazer (Granby High - VA '63, Medical College Virginia '68) filed this cross continental party report.

"We had a truly unique experience....we also caught up with a friend of ours, Eric Lesser, who sits behind Obama on the plane and is responsible for making certain Obama has his speeches in hand before every event."

Harry Connick Jr. (Jesuit H.S. '85 - New Orleans) sang a "Happy Birthday" duet with his daughter Sara.

On this night, Obama had only cake in his hand. He told assembled friends hadn't been back in the State Room at Faneuil Hall since the night he lost to Hillary in New Hampshire back in January.

Celebrity Kickball in Malibu

Billed as "The Battle of the Summer". By our count, that would be the 2nd skirmish in that zip code this summer.

Just 7 days ago, I emerged victorious in a croquette tournament while breaking the "tennis whites" dress code on an elite lawn of Nantucket, Mass.

Back in outer space aka the west coast we do more normal stuff, like Saturdays playing Celebrity Kickball in Malibu, courtesy of French Connection. Yes, that is a step and repeat finagled on a baseball backstop. (Click to enlarge)Yes, that is the ,godfather godmother of blogging, a no-more-backfat Perez Hilton. Kudos, mate!

Team Captain Leslie Bibb (St. Gertrude's H.S. - VA '92, Iron Man '08) tends to a bloodied knee. All bleeders got automatic MVP kudos.

Nick Kroll (Best Week Ever 'Current) is awesome at eating watermelon and drinking Newcastles in the outfield. You must get to know him better.'Kicks to Hostess Alle Fister (Pepperdine '04) who could gaze at her alma mater perched across the PCH ...if she wasn't rocking out with a boombox in her face.
As new resident of CW's 90210 Ryan Eggold (West Beverly '10) stepped to the plate, he waived off the suggestions that he is "The new Luke Perry" and "The New Ian Ziering".Jessica Schimmel (Star Magazine ' Current) and Elissa Buchter (Cardozo H.S. - NY, U Miami) are not lost on their way to the Bridgehampton Polo Grounds.

It's been less than 48 hours, and all 4 Chipotle free burrito coupons in the giftbags are DUST. See people, gift bags work.

Ozzy Osbourne Surprise Appearance with Camp Freddy at XGames Party

A few well chronicled passions of this very website unexpectedly collided at ESPN's XGames XIV Concert/Party at the House of Blues last night (Fri 1 August).

Camp Freddy, LOST, and ESPN. There was even some reality millionairres floating around.

All British highlights: Naveen Andrews (Emanuel School - UK '87, Sayid Jarrah Flt 815 '04) jumped up with to rock guitar with Dave Navarro (and later had to self massage his guitar wailing shoulder from rocking out - see photo).

We should have suspected something bigger coming as a non traditional "lead singer rug" lay on the stage all night....a placemat of sorts, on which they served up Ozzy Osbourne (Prince Albert Rd Jr School '50s) to a shocked audience. Even the Prince of Darkness' knees need cushion when rocking.Video of "the reveal" follows.