The Sunday Funnies: Puck You Miss

11.26.2008 TAO 8th Anniversary

Jeremy Piven (Evanston Township -IL H.S. '83) celebrated a milestone this week. Not thanksgiving, or his Bat Mitzvah (pictured).

Our NYC reporter Carter, spotted him at the TAO 8th Anniversary Party the night before Thanksgiving (Wed 26 Nov).

Wait, didn't Piven also fly all the way to the Vegas outlet's 1st anniversary party? And go back again for the 2nd anniversary? Truly half man, half mascot.

Although it was only the night before Thanksgiving, you are excused for thinking it was Christmas Eve with an exclusively jewish celebrity turnout at the perennial NYC hotspot - New overlord(lady) of ballroom dancing Brooke Burke (Palo Verde H.S. - AZ '89, UCLA '93, Wild On '99) and Marcus Schenkenberg (Calvin Klein '90s, Pam Anderson '98) helped make the minion.

We'd post the photos of the Manishevitz Sake Bombs , but Carter has not woken up from the food coma yet. So here's a the ownership group laughing over a cake in a photo that Santa brought us as a gift from someone else's site the North Pole.

A Case Study in the Paparazzi Industrial Complex - Secrets of the Heidi and Spencer Elopement

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ran in to a problem on the way to scoring the biggest photo payday of their lives....

They could have harvested a year long fortune leading up to a planned wedding - bachelor/bachlerette parties,showers, and an assembly line of photography partnerships to document finance each step of the publicized march to the altar. But The Hills producers and MTV would would have been a big problem-- they wanted to milk the story themselves - like Star Jones did, or Melrose Place, - and in the process drain all the value from their incremental paparazzi paydays.

So they HAD to elope. The show neatly acquits itself from not getting to make it a central story line ("we didnt know! See, the show is real") Mr. and Mrs. Montag get all their money up front...and they win the 2008 Battle for the US Weekly cover during a slow news week.

Winners: Pratts
Losers: The Hills

Oh, the scenes that could have been written ...
Did they just want to avoid the televised embarrassment two empty bridal parties? Would Bolthouse do the reception? Would Stephanie design her dress? Would Lauren casually be tanning at the same resort pool during the wedding? Would the photos end up in Teen Vogue?

P.S. While Mexican marriages are celebrated in US (the magazine) they are not recognized by the US (the country) so count on them to Pam Anderson it.

Breaking: Vanity Fair Oscar Party Moves in Next Door

The Vanity Fair Oscar Party (1992-2007, 2009-?) is moving in right next door to TheCHIMP.net world headquarters, at the Sunset Tower Hotel.

The most exclusive and high profile American party of the year will light up our block after the Oscars on Sunday night, February 22, 2009.

To this humble cul-de-sac on the information superhighway, this is the equivalent of the Superbowl relocating to play inside the Sports Illustrated hedaquarters.

11.23.2008 Jonas Brothers @ House of Blues

Our TheChimp.net tween operative strikes again - sending in this live missive about a "flash mob" gathering on Sunset Blvd. right now (Sun 320pm) as the Jonas Brothers are performing a fake surprise at the House of Blues.

Operative: "Can I take a picture of your sign?"

Fans: "We're not done coloring yet."

The Sunday Funnies

Live on Scene: YRB Magazine Party @ Smashbox

YRB Magazine gets Khloe Kardashian to play public ping pong.....and more items from guest party snitch Leigh at Smashbox Studios last night. (Thur 20 Nov)

For the avoidance of doubt, this is a different "that black guy".

"Biggest Celeb there was Khloe Kardashian. I didn't see her but [Redacted] told me. Michelle Pesce DJ'ed. She's awesome. Also saw the Miz (Miami Univ '02, WWE Wrestling Champion '07) some idol reject, and the same black guy who gave me his card at aHaylie Duff event last week and said 'google me'. "

Is it a waste of time to report that the famous for one day Miss USA who got booed by the Mexican audience at the Miss Universe pageant and then fell on her ass as an encore was there? She was. Rachel Smith (Crazy Christians' Belmont Univ '02, Miss USA '07).

You also probably didn't know that YRB = Yellow Rat Bastard

High Fives to Kelly K., for taking care of us.
Guest Star Party Report filed by Leigh.

5 Reasons for The Incredibly Shrinking Sundance

5 Reasons why January's Sundance Film Festival may look like its own stepchild. , Slamdance.

1. This inspirational hopey guy is being inaugurated in Washington, DC with celebs and cool kids on the same party weekend. Now he's even drawing the cool away from the snow?!

2. Corporate cocktail sponsorship money is was on fire. It's gone.

3. Nightlife Kingpins Noah Tepperberg (U Miami '97) and Jason Strauss (St. David's - NYC '89, BU '97) are not porting their "internationally known celebrity driven" clubs Marquee and Tao (Most Profitable Restaurant in the Country '07) to Park City at Harry O's again.

4. Two paparazzi magnets at the bottom of Main St. won't be back. The Town Lift Celebrity Gifting center is now an official part of the Festival (means civilians, not swag). But Kari Feinstein's Style Lounge is back.

5. Old: FU-tah for your shitty drinking laws. Now: FU-tah with a Huge Gay Boycott expected as Prop 8 Payback.

So, anyone got a hotel room in DC?

Previously: Sundance vs. Inauguration

The Sunday Funnies

Expired by 2 years, but better late than never.

Super Sisters for Supermodels Mag

Always fun to catch up with Haylie Duff (Don't Vote for Pedro '04). She hosted the Supermodels Unlimtied Magazine Hot Hollywood Party at Social (remember that place?) on Wednesday night (12 Nov).

Building on previous covergirl Ali Lohan, the "must have a stellar sister qualification" to front the magazine remains in effect. (A girl who's brother dated Lauren on The Hills for 2.5 episodes lurked outside on the carpet).

Inside Debbie Deborah Gibson (Sanford Calhoun H.S. - NY '87) didn't need the quickly revoked open bar vodka to start enjoying her guest's company before even entering the ballroom.

(click to enlarge)

Regrets Only? Front Row Fashion No-Shows Audrina and Jillian.

How dumb are the paparazzi? The sidewalk stalkers outside this party needed a chicken scratched "tip sheet" on what to ask - "J. Lo wants another baby", "Paula Abdul Stalker OD Suicide", and "something about Jennifer Anniston" were the "must ask questions.

This band - The Last Goodnight - stole Maroon 5's soundguy and stylists while Adam Levine was on vacation. Totally didn't suck.

High Fives to BR and Entertainment Marketing Company.

Elvis' First Girlfriend is Brody's Mom?

Hostess Ms. Michelle Vink (House of An 'current, Look to the Stars.org 'current) and the multi-credited Linda Thompson model Thompson's column on "Being a gentleman in Hollywood" in this month's LA Confidential Magazine.

The gentlemanly thing to do at the Lift MD spa open house on Wednesday (12 Nov) was to introduce yourself to Linda Thompson (Miss Tennessee '72, Elvis' Domestic Partner at Graceland '72-76, Brody Jenner's Mom '83, Academy Award/Grammy Nominee '90, Mrs. David Foster '03)

Brody's "hot mom" has not shared the article with her son, who is mocked in frequent TV ads for AT&T for "being a pig" while lunching with sometimes girlfirend Lauren Conrad (Laguna H.S. - CA'04).

Live on Scene: Olsen Twins Draw Creepy Old Readers to Westwood

A Chimp.net operative sends this live blackberry report from the Boardner's bookstore in Westwood:

At the Olsen Twins Book signing thing. Rules are as expected: "no photos, no personalized autographs, no staring directly at the Olsens." Ok i made the last one up. The line is pretty small. 100 tops. But there was a vip group first i think, so that's a few more. Crowd is on on mix of kids, gays and child molesters.

Funniest moment: a group of people w autographs walked down and one teenage girl waiting goes "how come no one is crying?" About to go up. Will keep you posted.

22 Minutes Later:

So upstairs there were more people. The two guys in front of us had roses but a guy took them just before they got to the table. I was going to ask them to make it out to "Heath" but I chickened out. Plus, as they said, "no personalized autographs". They were nice and pretty hot, I think.Their signatures are just scribbles though. It's like they've stuck to the same signatures since they were onFull House for authenticity purposes. There were PETA prosters outsie with "trollsen" signs but I'm on Team Olsen.

Kim Kardashian Make-A-Wish Miami

A Miami Beach tipster sends in this report:

Kim Kardashian (E! 'current)hosted the South Florida Make-A-Wish Ball at the Intercontinental Hotel in Miami on Saturday (8 Nov). While encouraging bidders to pony up for luxuries like a 2009 Aston Martin, she had a harder time drumming up support for the chance to sit with her in a suite at a future New Orleans Saints game - her BF Reggie Bush plays there.

Sometimes stories can be distorted, we’ll report this out of context quote verbatim:

Kim: “Come on, come sit in my box, it will be fun!!” Kim then sold the clothes off her back– putting up her Catharine Malandrino dress.

Other Things We Couldn’t Have Afforded to Bid On:

· A walk on role on Entourage [Courtesy of the night’s bandleader Adrien Grenier (La Guardia H.S. – NY ’94, Smoke Jumpers ’09)]

· A party for 500 people at South Beach’s enduringly popular Mansion

The philanthropists raised $1,550,000 in one night, enough to grant wishes for 3-400 kids, or pick up the tab for that party at Mansion.

Congrats to the Make a Wish Mafia: C.M., Shareef Malnik, and Michael Capponi.

Uh Oh: Sundance and Inauguration, Same Weekend

Attention Hollywood Marketing Machine: The biggest coming attraction in Park City this January is "A Schedule Conflict".
You see Hopey's presidential inauguration, and its surrounding festivities, falls on the same big opening weekend of Sundance and its parties, gifting suites, and concerts.

The smart money (whatever is left of it) is predicting "Sundance on the Potomac" this January.

Has the Sundance swagfest clusterf*ck doomsday clock just moved a few minutes closer to midnight?

The Sunday Funnies: Creepy Advertisers

Live on Scene: Double Hollywood Birthdays @ Stone Rose Lounge

Hosting is fun, but going to someone else's event makes us thirstier for some reason.

In general, it's not a party until Young Hollywood shows up to cover, so we were eager for the meta-tasticness of YH's own Michelle Marie's co-birthday with writer/director Brett Gursky (East Brunswick H.S. - NJ '98, Syracuse '02) on Wednesday night (5 Nov).

Meta Alert #1: Birthday girl Michelle Marie (CSU-Fullerton '04, Purple English Cientele Dress) surrounded by assistant candle blowers.

Meta Alert #2: The party based website covering their own party. [That's Brian Drolet (The Hills 'season 1) doing mic duty.]

Rapper K.O. The Legend showed performance prowess with 'text message speak' while performing hit (..?) "She Wants 2 Get it" in the VIP area of Rande Gerber's lounge/bar.

Lauren Bergfeld (Texas State '04, Beauty & The Geek '05) ensures entry in to future parties from promoter Michael Bellisario (JAG '05, Foxtail '08).

Live on Scene: Company 81 Launches with 90210'ers @ Fred Segal Fun Party

Note: The boxscore nature of this post is apologized for (and apology accepted by you) in advance as it was our own event:

Amanda Bynes, ducking photographers, hung out in the back corner of Fred Segal Fun with girlfriends during the party.

Adam Gregory, hosting the party, sips Ciroc vodka with fellow 90210’ers Jessica Lowndes and Brandon Michael Vayda.

After being eliminated on Dancing With The Stars earlier in the night, a freshly showered Tony Dovolina headed straight to Fred Segal Fun for his consolation prize - a VIP giftbag of clothing from Company 81.

Even though it was a party for men’s clothing, Tila Tequila stuck to women all night, showing up with two girlfriends.

Adam Gregory made his hosting event a family affair, spending the evening at Fred Segal Fun with his mother and brother, Scott, who just returned from Iraq on a boat in to San Diego from deployment with the US Navy 2 days ago.

Jon Kelley (The Mole'08, Extra 'current) showing up early and showing off an Obama T-Shirt, one of 8 celebrities to sport victory gear the day after.

Holly Montag arrives fashionably late, in a plaid jacket and skinny leg jeans, to the Company 81 launch party at Fred Segal Fun, 10 minutes before crew starting ripping out the lights.

Celebrity Role Call:

Adam Gregory (90210), Jessica Lowndes (90210), Amanda Bynes, Holly Montag (“The Hills”), Brandon Michael Vayda (90210), Tila Tequila, Tony Dovolina (Dancing with the Stars), Edi Gathegi (House), Cristine Lakin, Page Kennedy (U-Turn on “Weeds”), Robbie Jones (Hurricane Season), Joe Mangeniello (One Tree Hill), Daniel Samonas (Wizards of Waverly Place), Jason Kennedy (E! News Daily), Ross Matthews (The Tonight Show), Marisa Lauren (“Greek”), Michael Yo (Daily 10), Lauren Mayhew, Danielle Panabaker (Shark), Kevin Weisman (“Alias”), Jareb Dauplaise (Transformers 2), Jennifer Elise Cox (Pushing Daisies, Brady Bunch Movie), Jon Kelley (“Extra”, “The Mole”) Cameron Goodman (“Mad Men”, Sons of Anarchy), Jillian Murray (An American Carol), Dr. Will Kirby (Dr. 90210), Callum Blue (Secret Diary of a Call Girl), Ty Treadway (American Idol Extra), and Majandra Delfino (Roswell, Traffic) & Dave Walton (Quarterlife),

Children’s Stars: Chester See (“Disney 365”), Simon Curtis (Nickelodeon’s “Spectacular”) and the Thorne Family Bella Thorne (“Dirty Sexy Money”, “My Own Worst Enemy”), Riley Thorne, Remy Thorne (“October Road”, “Criminal Minds”), and Dani Thorne (“Hannah Montana”).

Professional Photos: here, here, here, and here.

Win Your In: Fred Segal Fun Company 81 Launch Party

3 Randomly Selected CHIMP.net Commenters will get on the list to attend the party and win the celebrity giftbag of clothing. Email above or comment below.

Expected Celebs Include: Adam Gregory (90210), Holly Montag (“The Hills”), Brandon Michael Vayda (90210), Jodie Sweetin, Louis Lombardi (24, Sopranos), and Josh Henderson.

DJ AM Salutes Obama

RIGHT NOW: DJ AM (Spielberg Daughter Bat Mitzvah DJ '98) at Foxtail in West Hollywood is mashing up Obama's Victory Speech from 2 hours ago with music. The crowd, here for a lingerie party, is going nuts. (1140pm PST Election Night)

Celebs Wait in Line: Fred Armisen Votes For His Job

Moments ago, A CHIMP.net operative in NYC sends in this sighting:

Saturday Night Live's Fred Armisen who plays Obama on the show voting for his job on West 73rd between Amsterdam and Columbus.

The Sunday Funnies: Real Palin Gets a Real Prank Phone Call Yesterday

She even accepts a compliment for "the biographical film" on her, "Nailin Palin".

Superhero Skybar Halloween @ Mondrian

The Mondrian went "superhero" for its biggest party of the year, Halloween (Fri 31 Oct). The annual bash covers the pool, has flying acrobats, tons of vodka, only one Sarah Palin and three fake VIP hosts.

Skybar's Julie Berry (Survivor Vanuatu '04, Host Jeff Probst's girfried '04-08) and a "pregnant" coworker. Costume Award: Overweight wandering latina woman who sells individual roses on Sunset to disinterested bar goers.

I pretended to mistake this guy for Andy Dick repeatedly and give him fake VIP wristbands and try to lead him to a fake non - existent table when he went with it.

Celeb Costume Rundown: Dave Annable (SUNY Plattsburgh '01, Brother's and Sisters'current) as theOriginal Karate Kid. James Van Der Beek (Cheshire Acadmey '95, Capeside High '01) as a red headed Johnny Rotten something. Weaksauce.