Mandanas and Trucker Hats Get A Reality Show

Brace Yourself. This will soon be a TV show.

By law, when the LA Times annoints you the “Douche Baggiest Bar” in LA, that award comes with an automatic reality show deal. The infamous Saddle Ranch - the overfriendly bar with the mechanical bull – is developing a self promotional reality show. A productive zip code, they join E!'s Sunset Tan, only 1056 feet west down Sunset Blvd.

The show will feature the "saddle ranch lifestyle". Living across the street, our last 35 encounters with the"lifestyle" included "drinks that smoke", 4ft beer towers, and free windex shots given to every customer and played off as "Bro, I'm hooking you up".

Mean older brother "Wayne" from the Wonder Years is the producer. He's casting for "attractive, fun males and females, between 18-35 years old who are bartenders, servers, cocktail servers, hosts and hostesses."

Is it a diss to the 80 bandana and trucker hat’d actors already working there who can't get cast on a reality show about themselves? Bring a headshot to the reality casting, ya'll.

Where Justin Timberlake's ESPY Humor Comes From?

"Bruce Vilanch" = the hired gun to write jokes during the Oscars for the host (pictured left). He may know a lot about ugly unfunny t-shirts, and a bit about balls, but he definitely doesn't know sports.

For ESPN's Oscars, "The ESPYs", (aired Sun July 20) head writer Jonathan Drubner (Taft '90, Syracuse Newhouse '94) is the #1 draft pick. Drubner (right), drinking with Survivor's Ozzy Lusth at Sundance '07.

It's not easy to follow in the footsteps of Justin Timberlake's last comedy outing. (No, not Alpha Dog.) You remember the Emmy winning jingle at the intersection of anatomy and geometry? "We try and keep the monologue as topical as possible, " Drubner told TheCHIMP.net exclusively. "Thank GOD soccer didnt become HUGE in America the morning of the show."

Credit the man with a highlight of the show: Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly's list of demands ESPN will have to meet in order for them to host the show. Drub said, "It happened really fast. I had about 15 minutes to come up with a concept, then 30 seconds to pitch it to Will as he made his way from one interview to another during the “Step Brothers” press junket. Luckily, he took the bait. Phew. Had he said no, that would have been my ass." At press time, Drub still had an ass.


When Ferrell later accepted the best male athelete award AS Tiger Woods, speaking as if he were Tiger Woods, a lot of things went through our head. "We wrote that with Will 40 minutes before, " Drubner told us. We're sure it was appreciated by Tiger because... a surprisingly google-proof connection and a real, personal, relationship exists between Ferrell and Woods, that one might say runs through Scandinavia....but its in TheCHIMP.net embargo.

Doug Benson: "Professional Humoredian"

Not trying to be funny with that title, but Doug Benson is. That's what the VH1 "Best Week Ever" star named his new comedy CD that came out yesterday (Tues 15 July).
Doug, (High Times' Stoner of the Year '06, Last Comic Standing '07) celebrated by autographing the album, a cool DJ playing popular music, and lots of vodka drinking at Vice Hollywood last night. (picture above)
He is a friend for lots of reasons, and moreso after watching his new autobio-documentary-challenge "Super High Me". He did exactly what Morgan Spurlock did in "Super Size Me", but with weed instead of McDonalds.......and probably some McDonalds also. Check out the funny.

TheCHIMP.net legal team adds this DISCLAIMER: "Everything that Doug Benson did is legal in California. Check your local laws."

LA Times Bestows "Royalty"

There was Elvis, and then Lebron, and in the summer of 2008, Kunitz.

Today's LA Times (Mon 14 June) calls FOTC.N (Friend of TheCHIMP.net) Matt Kunitz (Torrey Pines '86, USC '90) "The King of Reality TV".

EVEN people who detest his brand of reality shows would be well-advised not to wrestle Matt Kunitz in the mud. For one thing, the guy just knows too much about mud.

What "Wipeout" won't do is enhance Kunitz's reputation among cultural critics who accuse reality TV of rotting Americans' souls....

Title and all, we're still not curtsy'ing in his presence. Step over the drawbridge to read the full story on the other side of this moat.

"Fetish Porn" on ABC Tonight

Those TV ratings that appear in the upper left corner never caught on, but today's New York Times joins others in accusing friendly ABC of airing XXX content during the 8 PM "family hour".

"If you like watching out-of-shape people and strippers and cellphone salesmen fall down a lot, then "Wipeout" could stand as your own very special fetish pornography"

New York Times
July 8, 2008

The last time I worked on a stunt show with Matt Kunitz (Fear Factor '01), it landed him in the bestseller, "100 People Who Are Screwing Up America".

Put the kids to bed and watch fetish porn tonight (Tues 8 July), 8 PM, on ABC.

LURID APPETITES UPDATE (Wed 9 July): Last night's ratings are (10.6 million viewers) show rose more than 10% from last week to log its best scores to date. Hey arch right conservatives, suck it.

Creams

TheCHIMP.net recently visited the Wipeout Set, 45 minutes north of LA in Canyon Country.

Wipeout, aka "Fear Factor without the gross" aka "just the good parts of America's Home Videos" premiered to huge numbers last night (Tuesday, 24 June).
This morning, the Exec Producer is saying:

We creamed the 8pm competion. We built strongly from 1/2 hour to 1/2 hour. We were the highested rated demo of the night. We ended the night with 10.7 million people tuned in. For summer time this is HUGE.

In a segment for the Jimmy Kimmel Live, Superman and other superheroes ran the course.

Congrats to friends, colleagues, and creators Matt Kunitz (Torrey Pines H.S. '86, USC '90) and Scott Larsen (Torrey Pines H.S. '86)

Tune In Alert: ABC's WIpeout - Host By TheCHIMP.net

I am pleased to announce that I cast the host for Wipeout, aka "Fear Factor without the gross". After wading through talent all spring, John Henson (E!'s Talk Soup '02) won the title of my casting competition.
First episode airs: Tonight, Tuesday, June 24, 8 PM on ABC.

Calendar Boxing Babes vs. Abstinence

A gas leak at hotspot The GreenDoor pushed an MTV reality show to an even better location last night. (Thursday 19 June) The untitled show stars noted girl wrangler Callum Best (Lohan '07) and his posse trying out abstinence for 50 days amidst Hollywood temptations. They relocated to once again hotspot Les Deux and found a bunch of model boxers - that fits the bill.

Knockouts Ringleader Parvati Shallow (l), Jon Condon (not a temptress), and Lauren Bergfeld model the July 2009 shot... of Lauren.

Charity boxing hotties "Knockouts for Girls" welcomed the show in to their calendar release party....and ended up on air as temptresses in their natural habitat. Good idea, as KO4G's spokesmodels have proven to be good TV in the past.

After hangining inside for 45 minutes, Louis Carreon and Callum Best shoot "their entrance".

Nicest guy in Hollywood ^TM Zen Freeman, guards Melissa Rappaport from the abstinence vowed group.

(Top 2 photos courtesy of Andy Fossum/Startracks Photo)

Bizarre Primetime Emmy Voting

As a esteemed member of the Television Academy of Arts and Sciences, I filled out my nominating ballots for the Primetime Emmy Awards today. The sucktastic rules prohibit me from voting for LOST in every category 8 times.

Click the image to see it bigger.

In the category of Awards Shows and Specials (like the Oscars, and Grammy ceremonies themselves, which you vote on as actual TV programs) I have no idea how I never saw "Douchebag Beach"and "GILF". Please let these get nominated.

In the awards show special, I only voted for the awards show I went to this year..the one where the host got thrown in a pool.

Even More Boston in the Finals

ABC now serves The NBA finals with a side dish of ads for hyper-obstacle-course reality show "Wipeout". Even on the court itself.I am pleased to announce that I cast the host for this show. After wading through talent all spring, John Henson (E!'s Talk Soup '02) won the title of my casting competition. Another Massachusetts ingredient in the finals.

First episode airs: Tuesday, June 24. 8 PM.

Tune in Alert: Celebrity Circus Tonight, 930 PM, NBC

Check out TheCHIMP.net friend, mentor, and new celebrity ring master Matt Kunitz (Torrey Pines H.S. - CA '86, USC '90, Real World '97, Fear Factor '05) when he raises the curtain on NBC's "Celebrity Circus" tonight, (Wed 11 June) at 9:30 PM.

Exec Producer Kunitz exclusively told TheCHIMP.net this morning:

"We put on a full dress rehearsal last night ....there is no obvious weak link among the seven celebrities. I'm shocked by how far our celebrities have come in just 8 short weeks of training."

Then he gave everyone lunch money. From the NY Post's injury report review, it sounds as solid as MASH. That ran for 18 years, so look for more photos of Kunitz smiling. Set those TIVOs.

Update: Thursday 12 June
Initial ratings are strong. Exec says, "We held our number throughout which means everyone who came enjoyed the show! We won the 10P hour outright."

Congratulations Elizabeth Hasslebeck!

The flashing missive "George Clooney is now single" in my facebook feed, triggered a shudder for our Fear Factor alum Sarah Larson (Go Go Dancer '05, '09). Now what?

My next thought was "Congrats Elisabeth Hasslebeck (BC '98, The View ' current) for regaining the crown of "Most Successful Reality Show Alum" of all time.

Tune In Alert: E! Entertainment Radio Appearance Friday, 30 May

Please tune in to E! Entertainment Radio this Friday, May 30 at 1:10 PM PDT / 4:10 PM EDT

I will be making another appearance as a guest of Michael Yo, host of the daily show all about celebrities, pop culture, and gossip, “Yo on E!”.

Friday I will be discussing the huge 2 hour season finale of ABC’s “LOST” called "There's No Place Like Home".

While I have guest’ed on other topics before, Please tune in if you are near your satellite radio anywhere in the US, Canada, or Mexico or online at sirius.com

Sirius Ch. 107

XM Ch. 162

CBS' Reality TV Millionairres Party - Survivor Cast hosts Big Brother and Amazing Race Strays

CBS and Grey Goose, threw a belated "victory party" at new downtown penthouse lounge Elevate, last night (Tuesday 27 May). Guest of honor: Our nouveau rich pal Parvati Shallow ("Foxy Boxing" Girl '05, Survivor Micronesia winner ' current).

Erika Vetrini (Big Brother 4&7, Melissa Rappaport, Mikey Glazer, Adam Gentry (Survivor Panama) and Adam Reider (Survivor Producer) at Elevate.

A fra-rority of TV millionairres from the Amazing Race, Big Brother, Survivor, and 26 other alums (I counted) trekked dowtown to reunionize and stare curiously at a flamboyant and photo happy huddle of females. One reality icon later told me, that's "Parvati's Army of Whore Boxers". How did my Tivo miss that show?!Party Snitch of Boldfacers follows: Were these stars from any other branch of Hollywood's "on-camera" tree, you would have to call it glamorous.

• Fan Favorite James (China '07, Micronesia'08) attached to the bar and asking not so favorite Natalie (Micronesia '08) how she is physically attracted to women.
• Hat designer Aras (Panama '06 - winner) rolling in late and bearded after "just getting home from Peru -- a perk of being a millionairre.
• Rob Cesternino (Amazon '03, All Stars '04, TV producer 'current), the dean of the delegation.
• Erika Vetrini (Big Brother '03 '07) who is now casting the new show "The Cougar" hanging near her gimpy fiancee Adam Gentry (Cook Islands '06)
• Alexis (Mircronesia '08), Mikey B. (Micronesia), Alex the Harvard Lawyer (Fiji'07), Cecilia (Cook Islands '06), Bobby Mason (Panama '06) - irrelevant, except in this blog
• Sober Models Tyler and James (Amazing Race 10 Winners'06) continue to make the scene.

Best Reaction To David Cook Winning American Idol

Is this staged?

Live on Scene: Inside the Survivor Finale in NYC

Congrats to our newest millionaire friend, Parvati Shallow (Female Boxer '06, Rich 'current). We watched her win prom queen of the Survivor Sweet 16th season (Fans vs. Favorite) from the 6th row of the Ed Sullivan Theatre in NYC on Sunday night (11 May).The fresh out of the plastic Gucci dress should have tipped us off. Gary "Babooey" Dell'Abate sat 2 rows in front of us. He is less toothy in person.

CBS' Without a Trace Welcomes Dave Shalansky

In the fight to get a single viewer against mega tough island competition on Thusday nights, CBS now enlists a guest star straight out of the Camp Naticook Playhouse (1935-1989).

Congrats to Dave Shalansky (Camp Naticook Workers'88, Toll Gate H.S. - R.I Class President '91, BU '95) guest starring in tonight's episode of "Without a Trace". CBS bills Shalansky as a "A NYC pizza deliverary guy who might have seen something on a delivery that he shouldnt have. "You might remember Dave from Entourage or CSI, or maybe his band Latham Rocks, coincidentally playing an LA concert simultaneously with tonight's airing.

TheCHIMP.net got an exclusive on-set account:

"I ate a power bar, a gallon of coffee, a grapefruit, a bagel and cream cheese, a hard boiled egg, a piece of pizza, a pulled pork sandwich, a salad, and a slice of chocolate cake. "

Tune in to CBS tonight, Thursday, May 1 at 10 PM EDT.

Inside American Idol Gives Back - What You Won't See on TV

A CHIMP.net snitch sent us these missives from inside the "live show" of "Idol Gives Back" tonight (Wed 9 Apr) even though 99% of the show taped 3 days ago on Sunday night.

• The judges aren't here. (Exec Producer) Nigel Lithgow is on stage trying to rile up the crowd. Trying to make us clap when we r not even on tv.
• Also he told us in the first minute of the phones being open, they received 3000 calls.
• The idols are "answering calls" but literally pick up phone when camera is on and phone down when its off. They r faking the whole thing laaaaame.
• Oops, I guess they r really talking to people on phone.

Some joke about all of the idols rehearsing for life after A.I. by "answering phones" would be appropriate here, but instead we'll add these pretty photos of Ryan and Simon posing with kids who have no idea who they are. Even if they had a local TV, which they dont, they would get the African version of the show where all 3 judges look like Randy Jackson.

Audrina Gets Least Screen Time, Most Pricey Wardrobe

Audrina Patridge (Yorba Linda H.S. - CA '03) overcompensated for her 100% disappearance from the season premiere of MTV's"The Hills" last night (Mon 24 Mar) with the most expensive wardrobe at the premiere party.

As Marc Malkin reports over at E!'s Planet Gossip, she chose TheCHIMP.net BFF designers Nicole Khristine's tear drop earrings ($4000+).

I don't know a thing about sparkly metals, but we all know a good party when we see one.

Live on Scene: Backstage at MTV's "The Real World" 20th Anniversary Party and Show

What happens when you take 20 seasons worth of MTV's original reality stars and put them in a West Hollywood mansion for one night with lots of alcohol and cameras?

TheCHIMP.net was live on scene to see everything MTV will and won't air from backstage in its award show special airing Saturday March 29 (and repeating forever).

Tyree Balard (RW Denver '07), Teck Holmes (RW Hawaii '99, MTV VJ '99-'02) and host Jeffrey Ross

Comic Jeffrey Ross (Comedy Central Roast master for Pam Anderson, William Shatner, Shaq 'current) opened the night with a roast. “You all have one thing in common…obscurity.”

It was not well received. Dave Burns (RW Seattle ’98, Las Vegas event producer ‘current) whipped a water bottle at his head. Trishelle Cannatella (RW Las Vegas '02, Dr. Steve O on USA 'current) threw a drink in Ross' face. The infamous David "Puck" Rainey (RW San Francisco '94) kicked him from behind in to the pool of the mansion. Not in a friendly way. He looked humiliated the rest of the night and the show stopped for 90 minutes.

Johnny Devenanzio (RW Key West '06) congratulates his castmate Svetlana Shusterman (RW Key West '06) on winning the award "All Time Hottest Female".

One of the more intelligent cast members who we really like (currently going for a Phd and teaching Barack Obama’s kids at an elite school in Chicago) told TheCHIMP.net “I didn’t even know what a roast was. I thought we would get here for a BBQ.”

Cowboy Jon Brennan (RW LA '93), Matt Kunitz (Producer RW '92-'95, '96-'99), and The Miz.

Mike "The Miz" Mizanin (RW NY2 '01) showed off his WWE wrestling title belt and let us know he is going to be in Wrestlemania at the end of the month.

A few unknown, wet behind the ears puppies came fresh out of shooting the yet to be aired 20th season (Hollywood). Want to see how these pre-American idol cultural icons look now? Check out the wireimage.

This is 2 Million Dollars of Reality Money

Survivor China Winner Todd Herzog (Pleasant Grove H.S. - UT '05) and his new hairdo met up with Survivor Cook Islands winner Aras Baskaukas at the Kari Feinstein Style Lounge on Sunday (1.20). Not pictured? The $1m each of them banked by outwitting, outplaying, and outlasting.

This was their first in person meeting after Todd facebook'ed Aras a few weeks ago. "It's such a weird and unique experience that the whole Survivor community is very tight, " Aras told TheCHIMP.net exclusively as he popped his line of inferno warmth Tundra Gear hats on celebrity heads.

"I knew you were going to win the first time I saw you, " Aras told Todd. Then they made out. No they didn't.

Dr. Phil and Tyra Banks to be Crushed by NBC's American Gladiators?

Look out fat mouthy talk show hosts! NBC's American Gladiators want to beat you up. First Rosie, now Dr. Phil and Tyra Banks!

We asked NBC's American Gladiators : "What celebrities would you like to sink your teeth in to when/if they have "Celebrity American Gladiators"?.

It could have been any public figure in the world, but when TheCHIMP.net asked Hulk the question during a media round table last month, his wish to "shut Rosie up" ignited this national firestorm. Oddly, the 2 other most popular gladiators randomly chose weighty talk show hosts!!
Professional muay-thai fighter Gina Carano (Crush): "I want Tyra Banks."

Mr. Perfect guy Mike O'Hearn (Titan): "Dr. Phil, that would be fun."

We see a trend! 23 million people tuned in to see "Man-Bra" wearing Gladiators pound civilians on NBC each of the last 2 nights. Jerry Springer would have to guest host this episode!

New American Gladiators on NBC, Confirmed Badasses

While kicking my ass has never been the litmus test for badassed-ness, the all new gladiators pass the test nonetheless.

Meet WOLF (Professional Bull Wrestler '88-current). This is the guy who wrestles the bull in a rodeo after it throws off a rider and stomps the clown. Here he swats a monkey on "The Pyramid" during NBC's recent media day on Stage 30 at Sony Picture Studios..

Congrats to Exec Producer David Hurwitz (The Man Show '99, Fear Factor '01-06) on the new series. Watch American Gladiators on NBC beginning Sunday night, January 6.

High fives to Melissa Armstrong for taking good care of us.

MassHole: Survivor's School Lunch Lady Lied?

The dust from the Survivor China finale hasn't yet settled. Denise Martin (Douglas, MA school lunch lady '07) copped to distorting the story about being demoted from cafeteria to diarrhea, on her return from shooting the show.

Meanwhile, the intricate set from the live reunion show has settled. TheCHIMP.net exclusively obtained this photo of the pagoda roof rotting in an uncharacteristic LA rain shower on the CBS lot this afternoon (Tues 12.18).

Live on Scene: Survivor China Finale

As commissioner of the Survivor China pool, we attended the live finale at CBS to see lil' twerp Todd Herzog (Pleasant Grove H.S. - UT '03) win $1 million dollars last night (Sun. 12.17).
It was a more muted affair than the emotional Cook Island's finale a year ago, except for a generous decision of exec producer/creator Mark Burnett (Eco-Challenge '94, Survivor '00, Apprentice '04). Midway through the live reunion, he gifted $50,000 to the school lunch lady contestant who lost her job for appearing on the show. She is now cleaning the bathrooms as a janitor. (ouch)

Of note, a contestant from Burnett's own Survivor rip off , Pirate Master, committed suicide in July after competing on the quickly cancelled show. Kudos for stepping in.

Phil Viardo Plays Dad to Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight in Mother Russia

Every family trip needs two things: A Dad, and bull penis eating. Phil Viardo served as the former for the WE TV special “Chris and Adrianne do Russia”. He shlepped with friends, clients, and still newlyweds Adrianne Curry (America’s Next Top Model ‘03) and Christopher Knight (Peter Brady ‘70s, IT Industry Guru ‘90s) to host the Mrs. World pageant in Russia recently.

Manager extraordinaire and fellow- straight - male - in - the - entertainment pr-world Phil (Creskill H.S. – NJ ’95, Berklee Music College ’99, Harvard ’99) brought this project to life. For that, he was hauled in by TheCHIMP.net for a KGB style interrogation:

• How would you compare the show to any of the iconic cinematic journeys: "Beavis and Butthead do America", "Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey", or “Me You, and Dupree”?
• 
  

PHIL:Are you implying that I am “Dupree”??? HA, No, I think the trip was a nice blend of all of the above.

• What’s the one thing you want people to know about the show/trip that will end up on the cutting room floor?

PHIL:Haha… there was so much good footage that it’s hard to say. I guess on my end, they left out a lot of my womanizing on the trip J I just wanted to show the world Russia’s OTHER beauty.

• What first spawned the idea for Russia '07?

PHIL:I booked Chris and Adrianne to host the 2007 Mrs. World Pageant that took place in Russia. I was tapped to be a celebrity judge (they have really low standards for the term “celebrity” over there), so it seemed like a good idea to exploit the opportunity of us already being there. Hence, Jeff Androsky (our director) and I cooked up the idea and quickly got it green lit.

• You’re the rare Harvard man in Hollywood. What came before that?

PHIL:I started out school in Professional Children’s School in NYC along with Mac Caulkin (though he was younger), Sarah Gellar was in my class, Don Faison – all the kids that were and are working in the biz. I then moved to Jersey and went to Cresskill High, graduating in 1995.

• At what moment did you stop and have a moment of clarity: I am in the middle of Russia with a Brady and a Top Model?
  

PHIL:Well, I am from there, so me being there was not such a big deal. Me being there with a Brady and Adrianne… with cameras in tow – 5 years ago I’d never even imagine, but more recently – we talked about it a lot. We have traveled to other countries together and they have always expressed interest in visiting Russia with me, so when this opportunity came along – it truly just made good sense.

• How is Russia “like” or “not like” Rocky IV?

PHIL:HA! Well, there are no more bread lines and you can’t use jeans as currency anymore… Although, the political climate is changing there right now towards the old days. Only this time – the country is LOADED and ARROGANT, so I hope we get to avoid another cold War. So, as long as one stays under the Radar and enjoys the best the country has to offer – all is good.

• Who got recognized more on the street in Russia and what was the weird thing they remembered or would say to that person?

PHIL:You know what, Me.

Russia has their own version of Top Model and Brady Bunch doesn’t play there. This was JUST FINE with Chris and Adri. They like the anonymity, especially when they are working . My dad was and is a very famous musician there, so I still get the residual of a “Son of a Famous Person” kind of recognition…. Dare I say, kind of like a Sean Stewart? (Yikes!)

• Do you now have to go to the Fox Reality Awards now and present next to Danny Bonaduce?

PHIL:Funny you should say that. I was at the last one and we were all sitting with Danny when it all went down. It was Adrianne and Chris who egged him on initially. None of us knew what was coming, but I was laughing my ass off. I will present next to Danny any day. He is good people, just don’t try to hump him.

The show racked up huge numbers for WE so set your TIVOs, or check the repeat schedule.

David Walton Continues Prep School Hotstreak